Dear Fixers, It Doesn’t Always Have To Be You: An Open Letter to Chronic Helpers

Dear Fixers, It Doesn’t Always Have To Be You

It is a gross generality that women are better listeners because men always try to find solutions to problems instead of just listening.

Honestly, as a woman who happens to also be a ‘fixer’, I think sometimes we don’t only want to be heard, but we want someone who will relate to what we have going on; in some cases we just need to vent, and in others some of us fully expect the person on the other end of our grievances to take up our burden and be just as mad as we are about it.

After years of taking on all of the guilt and blame that comes with having anxiety and trying to solve the world’s problems, I just got tired.

So, friends, here is what I am learning.

Problems will get figured out, but I don’t always have to be the one to do it. Sometimes answers show up differently than we expected, but they are answers, nonetheless. Other times, the solution is more powerful when delivered out of someone else’s mouth and that’s okay.

Fixers, it doesn’t always have to be us on the end of a problem being solved. The next time someone comes to you to vent, try this: Ask them if they just want you to listen or if they are looking to brainstorm solutions. It will help them have clarity in the intended outcome and it will help relieve you of work that you don’t necessarily need to be doing.

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