Okay mamas, can we please be honest? I am crafty and I pin the heck out of some cute little treats and DIYs which, like every other normal mom, I plan to actually attempt to make exactly NEVER.
Overachieving mama, how do you do it!? Seriously! Let me in on your secrets. How do you have time to put on makeup, wear anything fancier than yoga pants, go to work, carpool the kids to practice, make dinner, and somehow find it within your soul to create holiday-themed masterpieces out of gluten free rice crispies and non-GMO icing!? I need to understand your life.
I’m over here legitimately wearing the black stretch pants I wore to bed last night with a glorified hooded sweatshirt, no makeup, my hair in a struggle bun, and my kids are homeschooled! Y’all I didn’t have to get anyone ready but myself.
Let me get coffee with you, mother of three and maker of goodie bags for holidays like National Stapler Day. Please allow me time to take notes. I need to hire you…and a housekeeper, a stylist, and a personal driver.
Am I alone in this fight to make it each morning!?
Moms who are frantically applying mascara in the carpool line, you are my people. Did you spill your coffee on yourself too, then just soak it up with old Chick-fil-A napkins and put on a jacket like a boss? Yaaasssss, mama. We are soul sisters.
Meanwhile, makers of Pinterest, STOP IT! Stop promoting success through a DIY treat-filled world where stain free mamas rule preschool while the rest of us are struggling to keep our kids from drinking ketchup only to shrug our shoulders because we are too tired to argue and just chalk it up to, “tomato is a fruit, right!?”
I’m running on four things: a whole lot of coffee, bottles of dry shampoo, yoga pants I’ve worn multiple days in a row, and the knowledge that wine comes in a box that holds more than two typical bottles. That is my real life. There is no room for Disney shaped cake pans, decorating goodie bags, or hand embroidering monograms on Ugg boots for kindergartners.
Forget you, Pinterest. I love you but I hate you. I will keep pinning recipes with ingredients I can’t pronounce because it is 3am and I’m about to eat my bedsheets like normal people.