Okay, friends, I have a secret.
This is something I’m ashamed to say aloud and not something I’d tell just anyone because, honestly, it’s kind of embarrassing…
So, here it is.
Sometimes I feel left out.
See, I’m typically pretty self-reliant, confident, and generally aware that I’m an actual grown-up adult and not a terrified 14 year old.
But sometimes, when my anxiety is on threat level midnight or when everything feels like too much, I see people I love posting pics having fun together for a night out, a friend gathering, or an event to which I didn’t receive an invite.
And I feel like a disaster.
“What did I do?”
“Are they mad at me?”
“Do I not mean as much as the rest of these people?”
Here’s the thing, it’s really okay.
I have terrific friends who know people other than me.
When I’m in those low moments, eating Oreos and feeling sorry for myself, I tend to forget that I also have other friends.
Here’s the craziest part–most of the time I make plans, I later desperately wish I hadn’t and frantically search for excuses to bail. But still seeing others having fun that I’m not there for makes me crazy.
Being an adult,
means that several people will come through our lives in seasons.
Some stick around for a while and others we just check up on through social media.
There are the very few ride or die friends who you can call at 3am or text 59 times a day and feel no shame.
Regardless which type of friends you have, all people let us down sometimes.
We’ll let them down too…even though we wish we wouldn’t.
So try hard not to assume there was malicious intent if you feel left out and give people a break.
I know it’s hard.
For now, I’m dipping my Oreo in coffee and raising it to those of you who are tough on the outside but secretly turn to mush sometimes and feel like they need to keep that hidden.
Because the truth is that lots of people are still insecure teenagers deep down sometimes.
**Follow me on IG @themamaontherocks