Please stop telling me, “Everything happens for a reason.”
Listen, friend. I know you’re just trying to help, to comfort me, or to think of absolutely anything to say because I’m hurting and you are at a loss. But telling me that I can handle this or that it is happening for some mystical purpose…this moment right here? No thank you.
To say I’m going through a rough patch would be a disservice to my struggle. Facing heartache, loss, and disappointment when they are so bundled together and delivered all at once is never easy.
But here’s the thing. He never promised that I wouldn’t be given more than I can handle. He only promised I wouldn’t walk it alone.
So be there for me, friend.
Whether it’s child loss, infertility, tragedy, or diagnosis. Don’t pitch me clichés or misinterpreted verses because that’s all you think you have to offer.
Don’t tell me to look for the lesson in the murky waters of hurt and disillusionment when my hair is still sopping wet.
When I’m in the trenches of motherhood or life–diagnosis or divorce, grab a helmet and be my cover. Don’t stand at the top staring down and tell me that you wish I’d have packed a rope that was long enough to get myself out.
You have more to offer than that.
Friends, whether we are walking through anxiety or depression, a great loss or a new challenge, we need each other always.
Don’t fall for the patchwork of hollow words we’ve learned to say. Don’t tell me to let you know if there is something you can do because I won’t.
Let’s be women of action.
Bake the meal, watch the kids, bring me coffee or make me go get a cup with you.
Friends do the hard and messy work that extends beyond empty words or good intentions. Trust your gut and reach out; check on your ‘strong friend’.
We may think back and wish we’d said something different when actions didn’t follow, but we will never regret being encouraging and taking action that began healing.
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