Ironically enough (because my life isn’t already an episode in Sarcasm Daily), I had this post set for this week before last weekend ever happened.
I am learning, as I age, that the amount of anxiety I’ve somehow learned to balance in a way as to get from A to B since my earliest memories is abnormal. I know. Novel idea, right?
Fast forward from childhood sleepless nights of worrying about things beyond my control to my mid-30’s and…wait for it…still up all night, mind reeling, to-do list-making, replaying the things that happened/could’ve happened/might have happened. It is exhausting.
When it comes to my husband and my kids, my anxiety is infinitely multiplied. If they are five minutes late, I assume they are dead on the side of the road somewhere. If they haven’t texted me back after a few minutes, I worry they have been abducted.
I am aware this is extreme, but this is the life I do my best to pray through and manage with medication. It can (and did) affect relationships in destructive ways.
This is what I am learning.
Fellow women of worry, hear me when I say: Let. Them. Go.
Our husbands need time to refuel, to talk about sports or hunting, books or history…whatever they are into. They need a space that is safe for them to vent or be held accountable. They deserve to be built up from other men. Even if all they are doing is playing cards or golf, or drinking craft beer that would make my stomach turn while laughing at action movies I am happy to skip.
They Need Time Away
Just like us, our men need time where they aren’t expected to wrestle kids in the living room floor or break up arguments and handle discipline.
They Need to Connect
Just because our husbands might not need to catch up on gossip with their lady friends like we enjoy, they still need genuine connection. When they hang out with their buddies playing card or video games, fantasy football or watching sports, they are getting much-needed connection that we just cannot supply them. And that’s okay.
They Need to Feel Masculine
I can’t explain this science any more than I can the reasons we go to a public bathroom in packs, ladies. it just is. So let them go chest bump and drink beer and eat all the meats. It will allow their inner caveman to get what it needs so they can come home refreshed.
They Need to ReCharge
Their re-charge may not look like a spa day or trip to Target (Confusing, I know.) but they need to unplug from the demands of family life just as much as we do.
They Need to Miss You
When they come home to you, friend, they will want to be near you. They love drinking draft beer and playing poker with the men-folk but their time away will want to come back to a place that doesn’t smell like sweat and bad choices. I promise.
Just as I begin to picture myself spinning circles of joy with my Starbuck’s cup in the kid-free isles of Target, I am reminded that my husband needs the same. Whether he needs a video game date with the boys or a night out working on cars, your man needs bro time. Ladies, this will be a good thing for you.
I have learned that whenever I am able to cut the proverbial cord (something I legitimately pray through daily), the more my husband returns to me refreshed, happy, energized, and appreciative of me. See, his buddies don’t smell good or cook him food. They don’t provide the safe-haven that I can give him. He isn’t choosing them over me. He sincerely needs to recharge.
So, mamas, let them go just as you should be intentional about making time to take care of yourself. You with thank each other and your kids will appreciate the new and rejuvenated you!